It’s rough out there my little chuckleheads: Dow’s up and down, red and blue can’t come together to make purple, Bret Michaels is on Celebrity Apprentice, and, well, Celebrity Apprentice is still on the air.
But there is a light at the end of this deep, dark tunnel. It glows green and is fueled by funny. What is that light lurking in the distance?
Farts.
You may be asking yourself, “But Chucklehead, why farts? Why not diplomacy, changes in economic policy, hair plugs for Bret Michaels. Why, farts?”
Simple. Farts are funny. There’s no rift, no awkward pause, no gap in understanding that can’t be filled with a good fart joke: making them, hearing them, being near them, okay maybe not being near them so much, but you get my drift.
Just imagine, you are at a tough negotiation, tensions are high, you’re pulling out what’s left of your hair. Suddenly, you get a notion: “Whoopee cushion stink bomb combo!” Yes. A well placed cushion with a strategically timed broken stink bomb ups the ante from mere gag to high art. Your opponent will be so taken with your daring-do, your moxie, your deep understanding of the uniting force of farts, that he will be putty in your hands. He might hug you.
Simply put, we all fart. Old ladies, nuns, presidents, Ryan Seacrest, everyone farts. Why not be the guy who brings the funny wherever he goes? The guy who knows how to lighten the load by making it sound like someone dropped one? Be the hero. Save the world. Make it sound like someone farted.
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